Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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