i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
