It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize