But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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