Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
