pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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