I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
