that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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