Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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