im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
