3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize