What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
