I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
