No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They have beer where we have blood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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