the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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