White coat. Heels.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
