I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
MIDGETS
????
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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