Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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