I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
