Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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