just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
