Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
