Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
