hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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