I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
