how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
