I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
