Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she woke up with a sticky ear
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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