The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
