names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize