I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
