just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
