I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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