I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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