Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize