When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
