I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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