Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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