Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How external is "for external use only"?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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