you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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