my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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