i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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