So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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