You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
