Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
