I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where is the hickey?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
