i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
