i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
