We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
