I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize