he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
