just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
