While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
