my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
