Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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