He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
