All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
