I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
