we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
