It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
