He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize