i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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