those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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