just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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