I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My balls are so social today.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
