I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
