Only a mothe r could love this liver
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
