My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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