My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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