thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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